How do you choose furniture you can't see in person?

In a showroom, you'd do four things without thinking. You'd run a hand along a joint, look at the finish in daylight, stand at the foot of the piece to see how much room it takes, and ask the person beside you a question. Buying restraint furniture online takes all four away, and it's reasonable to hesitate because of that.

The answer is to replace each of those checks with a question or a measurement. When you can't touch a piece, the questions have to do the touching. Here's how to do that with any maker of luxury BDSM furniture, and how we handle each one.

What a render shows, and what it can't

Most restraint furniture, ours included, is shown online as renders, digital images of the piece rather than photographs of one in a room. A render is good at proportion, silhouette and pattern. It shows you how a headboard design reads, how a cross's arms meet, how a cage sits on the floor.

A render is less reliable on three things. Colour shifts from screen to screen. The texture of a finish, the way powder coat catches light, doesn't come through. And a render floating on a plain background gives you no sense of scale in your own room. The Look Book helps with the last of these, because it shows pieces in rooms, but your room is the one that counts.

Getting the colour right

Never choose a colour from a screen alone. Our five finishes are Obsidian, Oxblood, Gilt, Chalk and Forge Clear, and each looks different on a phone, a laptop and in the afternoon light of your bedroom.

RAL is a standard colour system with a reference number for every colour, which makes it the most reliable way to agree a colour without seeing a sample of the piece itself. A printed RAL chart, available from paint and coatings suppliers, shows each colour on paper in your own light. If you want a colour outside our five, or want to match a paint you already have, our guide to what a RAL colour is and how to choose one walks through it. For how each finish behaves in a room, see our guide to choosing a colour for restraint furniture.

Getting the size right

Replace the walk round the showroom with a roll of masking tape. Ask the maker for the piece's full measurements, then mark its footprint on your floor, with the clear space you'll need around it. Live with the tape for a few days. You'll learn more from walking round it than from any number on a page.

Then check the route in. Every piece we make ships flat-packed, but a long rail still has to turn a corner on your stairs. Send us your narrowest door, stair and turn, and we'll check before you order. Our guide to measuring a room for restraint furniture lists exactly what to measure and what to send.

Ask what you'd check by hand

The hand along the joint becomes a question. Ask any maker how the restraint points are made and attached, what the finish is and how it's applied, what arrives in the box, and what happens if something isn't right. A maker who answers clearly and specifically is telling you something about how they build. One who answers vaguely is telling you something too.

Our list of questions to ask a furniture maker covers the full set, with our own answers. If there's anything you'd want to see or know before you'd buy in person, ask us. We answer questions before you order and throughout production.

For bespoke work, you approve drawings first

Bespoke pieces remove most of the uncertainty by design. You send a brief and the room's measurements. We send scaled drawings to review, with a quote. Nothing is made until you've approved the drawings and the quote in writing. You see the piece, to scale, in the context of your own room, before any steel is cut. Our bespoke service page explains the process.

Read the policies before you buy

In a shop, you'd ask what happens if something goes wrong. Online, the answer is written down, so read it. Before ordering anything made to order, from any maker, read their delivery, returns and terms pages, and check how made-to-order and bespoke pieces are treated. Ours are on our delivery, returns and cancellation and terms of sale pages. If anything there is unclear, ask before you order rather than after.

Discretion is part of the same check. Ask how the piece will be packed and what will appear on your card statement. Ours arrives in discreet packaging, and your statement shows SanDom. Our guide to how discreet delivery is covers the rest.

After you order

The questions don't stop at checkout. Your piece is made to order, with a current lead time of 8–14 weeks, and you can ask us anything during that time. When it arrives, it comes flat-packed with printed assembly instructions, in discreet packaging. Our guide to what happens after you place an order takes you through each stage.

If you're not sure where to begin, our BDSM bed frames are a natural place to start, because a bed is the easiest thing to picture in a room you already know. Mark one out on your floor tonight. The tape will answer the question a render can't.