What should partners agree before cage play?

Every scene needs an agreement. Cage play needs a detailed one, because a cage changes three things at once. The person inside has agreed to stay put, and can withdraw that agreement at any moment. The person outside is responsible for everything beyond the bars. And the usual ways two people read each other, such as touch or a look at close range, give way to distance and a line of steel.

So agree cage play in writing, in advance and in detail.

The ground rules that never change

Some things are the same for every cage scene, whatever else you agree.

• Never leave anyone caged and unattended. The person outside stays in the room for as long as anyone is inside.
• Both the conversation and the scene happen sober.
• Consent is a yes that's freely given, informed, specific, ongoing and withdrawable at any moment. A role, a past scene or a quiz result never stands in for it.
• A safeword and a non-verbal signal are agreed every time. Either one ends the scene immediately and is never discussed or overridden in the moment.
• If anything happens in the home that needs the person outside, from a doorbell to an alarm, the person inside comes out first.

The door

The door is the centre of the agreement, because it decides how every scene ends. Agree each of these before the first scene, and confirm them before every scene after it.

• Whether the door will be closed at all, or left open.
• Whether anything will be used to fasten it. If so, agree what, and where it's kept: in the room, within reach of the person outside, every time.
• Who opens the door, and how.
• What happens at the door when the scene ends, and what happens if a signal is used.

Practise opening the door together before the first scene, with nobody inside, until it's automatic. Check before each scene that the door opens as it did when you practised.

Signals that work through bars

Inside a cage, gestures that are easy to see on a bed can be hidden by the bars or by the person's position. Choose a non-verbal signal that's unmistakable from wherever the person outside will be: dropping a held object, a knock on the frame, or a sound that can't be confused with anything else.

Test it before the scene, with the person outside sitting exactly where they'll be. If the signal can't be seen or heard every time, choose another. Either signal, the safeword or the non-verbal one, ends the scene immediately and is never discussed or overridden in the moment.

Agree too how the person inside can ask for something smaller, such as a drink, a cushion or a change of position, without ending the scene, and agree that such a request is always answered.

Check-ins

The person outside can see the person inside, but less clearly than on a bed. Agree how you'll check in, and use a question that needs more than a nod: a scale, a colour or a few words. Watch as well as listen. If a check-in goes unanswered, or the answer isn't clear, the scene stops and you find out why.

What's inside the cage

Agree what the person inside will have with them and what they'll wear. Put a firm mat or cushion inside, chosen for the positions you've agreed. Make sure the room is warm. Agree whether a blanket will be within reach, and whether water will be passed through the bars on request.

Nothing goes into the cage that could catch, tangle or tighten. If any restraint is used alongside the cage, the person outside keeps safety shears within reach throughout.

Enclosure and limits

Being enclosed can feel different from how either of you imagined it, even for a partner who felt certain beforehand. Talk about it openly. Agree that any sign of distress ends the scene straight away, and that the person inside will never be asked to explain why in the moment.

Keep first scenes short and simple, with the door open if either of you is unsure. Let scenes change only as you both learn how they feel.

How the scene ends

Agree the ending as carefully as the beginning. Who opens the door, where the person inside will go when they come out, and what each of you will want next: warmth, water, closeness, quiet or conversation. Have a blanket and somewhere comfortable to sit close to the cage before the scene begins.

Both partners need aftercare. Holding stillness for someone else, alert throughout, asks a lot of the person outside. Our guide to aftercare and how your room can support it covers planning it for both of you.

A worked example

One couple's agreement for a first scene might read like this. Yours will differ; the level of detail is the point.

• Purpose: a period of agreed waiting before we spend the evening together.
• Door: closed, not fastened. The person outside opens it.
• Signals: the safeword we always use, and dropping the wooden ring held in the right hand. Either one ends the scene immediately and is never discussed or overridden in the moment.
• Smaller requests: 'Water, please' or 'cushion, please', answered every time.
• Check-ins: the person outside asks for a number from one to five, where five is all good; anything below four, we talk.
• Inside: a firm mat and the dressing gown, with a blanket beside the cage.
• Outside: the person outside reads in the armchair facing the cage door and stays in the room throughout.
• Ending: the person outside opens the door and sits with the person who was inside on the sofa, with tea.
• Review: once we've both rested, out of role, or sooner if either of us asks.

Talking about it afterwards

Once you've both rested, talk the scene through. How did the enclosure feel? Did the signals work through the bars? Was anything harder or easier than expected? Change the agreement as needed before the next scene. Feeling low after a scene is common, and something to mention to each other; if it hangs on, speak to a GP or a qualified counsellor.

Reviewing the agreement

Treat the agreement as a draft you keep improving. Read it together before each scene for the first few times, and change anything that didn't work. As scenes change, the agreement changes with them, and every change is made out of role, sober and with both of you comfortable.

Keep it somewhere private but easy to find, so it's always the current version you're working from.

If either of you wants to stop

Either partner can decide at any time that cage play isn't for them, for a while or for good. That decision doesn't need a reason, and it's respected without argument. Consent is ongoing and withdrawable at any moment, and that applies to a whole kind of play as much as to a single scene.

Before every use

Check the cage itself before every scene: the frame, its fixings and the door. If anything has moved or loosened, stop using the cage and contact us before it's used again. For the wider picture, see what a BDSM cage is used for. Our guide to what to agree before using restraint furniture covers the general negotiation that applies to every piece, and our guide to choosing a cage covers fit, form and the door. Our BDSM cages are made to order in S235 steel, with a current lead time of 8–14 weeks.