Can restraint furniture suit your height and mobility?

Will it be too high to get onto? Will the restraint points be in reach for both of us? What if one of us is much taller than the other? What if kneeling, stepping up or standing for long isn't easy? These are some of the most practical questions anyone asks before buying restraint furniture, and some of the least often answered.

Most furniture, restraint furniture included, is drawn for an imagined average pair of bodies. Plenty of couples aren't that pair. This guide covers how to work out whether a piece will suit the two of you, and what to do if it won't, through our bespoke BDSM furniture service or otherwise.

Start with how you both move

Before looking at any piece, talk about what's comfortable and what isn't, for each of you, on an ordinary day. Getting on and off a bed. Standing for a while. Kneeling. Reaching up. Turning in a narrow space. This conversation comes before any talk of limits in a scene: it's about whether a piece of furniture will work with your bodies before anyone is restrained on it.

If either of you has particular physical needs, speak to a qualified professional who knows you, such as your GP or a physiotherapist, about what to bear in mind. We make furniture; we can't advise on bodies, and nothing on this site is medical advice.

Partners of different heights

Height differences matter most with upright pieces. At a cross, the position of the restraint points relative to each person's height changes what's comfortable and what's possible, and a frame that suits one couple may not suit another. Before you order, ask us where the rings sit on the piece you're considering, and tell us both your heights. We'll answer as specifically as we can.

Beds are more forgiving, because the person on them is lying down. Even so, the height of the mattress matters for getting on and off, and that depends partly on the mattress you choose. Our guide to choosing a mattress for a restraint bed covers depth and fit.

Getting on and off

Getting onto a piece, and off it again at the end of a scene, is part of using it, and it's where a poor fit shows first. Think about:

• How high the surface is, and whether either of you would need a step.
• Whether there's something steady to hold while getting on and off.
• How much clear floor there is around the piece, so nobody has to twist or squeeze.
• Light: enough to see your footing at the start and end of a scene, not only during it.

Our guide to measuring a room for restraint furniture covers the clear space around each piece.

When a standard piece won't do

If no collection piece suits your heights or the way you move, bespoke work exists for exactly this. The process starts with a brief rather than a drawing: you tell us how you both move, what you need from the piece, the room it's for and anything that has to fit around it. Then come the room's measurements. Then we send scaled drawings and a quote to review, and nothing is made until you've approved both in writing.

A good brief describes needs rather than solutions. 'One of us finds stepping up difficult' is more useful to us than a guess at a height, because it lets us suggest the options. Our guide to what to put in a bespoke furniture brief shows what helps, and our guide to how a bespoke commission works takes you through each stage.

The agreements that matter more here

When one partner's movement is limited, a few of the usual rules carry extra weight.

• Choose a non-verbal signal that works with the way that person moves, and practise it before any scene.
• Agree how the scene will end and how each person will get up afterwards, before it starts.
• Keep safety shears within reach, and never leave a restrained person alone, even for a moment.
• Check in throughout, in the way you agreed beforehand.

And the foundation doesn't change. Consent is freely given, informed, specific, ongoing and withdrawable at any moment, agreed sober for a scene that stays sober.

Restraint furniture should fit the people using it. If you're not sure whether a piece fits you, ask before you order; you can see our standard frames among our BDSM beds, and we'll answer as specifically as we can.